Who needs the lottery?

Today everyone is super excited about a big lottery jackpot. I didn't buy a ticket. Mostly because I forgot. But to justify it, I'll share all the reasons it would be bad to win.

1. All my family members would be like, "buy me a house and give me lots of
cash!" And I'd be like, "no, get your own lottery ticket worth $500 million" and then they'd probably try to kill me in hopes that they were listed as beneficiaries.

2. My kids would no longer try hard in school, because they'd expect to be heirs to a fortune, and develop drug problems and become famous for being socialites like the Hiltons. And little do they know I've spent it all on vacations and luxury cars and designer bags, plus the 10 percent I gave to charity, and they'd have to get a job working on a dairy farm or something like that one reality show.

3. The only reason why I'm not fatter than I am is because wine and Brie are expensive. With unlimited funds and access to all the best restaurants, cheese, and wine money can buy, who knows what would happen to my waistline?!?!! Although, then I could afford that personal trainer....

4. I am married now, so I'd have to split the winnings with my husband. And then just like on Kate Plus Eight, he'd realize he could get some college-aged party girl to relive his youth with and leave me with his appealing boatloads of money and find a hotter, younger girl.

5. With no need for career-based financial gain, I'd quit my MBA program (which I'm avoiding working on to write this blog post) and I'd lose out on the unequaled personal satisfaction of having an advanced degree. And that's certainly no good.

Good luck to you with a ticket! Well, you probably already know you lost, so instead I'll say my condolences to you with a losing ticket. Re-read the above post and be thankful you didn't win. You're welcome.


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