Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Matt, if you check my blog, don't read this post.

As a wedding gift for my fiance, my friend and photographer came to my house on a weekday when no one was home to do a boudoir photo shoot...

After some midday wine, I wore lingerie and posed as seductively as I knew how for some fancy photos. She edited them, and sent me the files on a popular photo-sharing website that I also frequently use. I added my favorites to a little photo book and ordered it to be shipped, with an estimated arrival date of two weeks before the wedding.

The date the book was to arrive came and went, with my incessant checking of the mail, and no photobook was to be found. Getting concerned, the Thursday just a week and a half or so before the wedding, I logged in to my account on said photo-sharing site to get some information. At which point I discovered--

THE PHOTO BOOK WAS SHIPPED TO THE WRONG ADDRESS!!

My old address. The apartment I lived in three years ago, just around the corner from where I live now. I don't know how or why exacty. Distressed, I called the company who said that it probably wouldn't be returned, that it would just be delivered to the doorstep and dropped off.

Instantly in panic mode, I tell my fiance that his wedding gift was delivered to the wrong address, and let it slip that it's a personalized item from this company, and he drives me over to the apartment. I check the doorstep, and there's nothing. I can't knock because it's after ten p.m. I go home, increasing anxious about the status of my very intimate photos that are in the hands of who knows who.

I called the apartment complex office and left a message about the package inadvertently delivered wrongly and hoped for a call in the morning with the glorious news of their reciept of the unopened package.

But no. When I spoke with them the next day, they did not have it. But the lovely gal in the office checked my tracking number for UPS while I was driving and on the phone with her, and saw that it had been delivered to the post office. Apparently my shipping method was some hybrid UPS/USPS plan where UPS starts the process, and then transfers it to the post office for final delivery. I then call the post office, and they have no way to track it or see if it's been delivered or returned.

I called my dear friend Harley who works for the post office in a neighboring town who promises to contact the postmaster of the Noblesville office. They tell him they will keep an eye out for it and try to intercept.

I call the company back, explain the situation, and they get a replacement out to me free, with overnight shipping at no cost. Which was a wonderful gesture. But still doesn't do anything about the fact that some potential creep who now lives in my old apartment could possibly have intimate photos of me in his possession and may see me in Walmart and know that he's seen me in lingerie. Or post them to the internet. I mean, I'm not a model or anything but people are weird.

By Monday, I've made peace with the fact that I may never find out what has happened to the first photo book. I haven't heard from the postmaster, and I have knocked on my former apartment door three times with no answer, and have left a note with my phone number, explaining the situation, and have heard nothing. Either it will get returned as a "no longer at this address," or "forwarding expired" sort of situation, or my scantily-clad images will grace someones dresser drawer or something for who knows how long. What a great story they have. "Hey, check this out. Some girl sent me this book of pictures of her. No, I don't know her, but she must have seen me at Walmart or something."

In the end, my honey will have my intended gift. And I have had to swallow my pride a bit and admit to people that I had boudoir photos taken and shipped to the wrong address. But, you know, I'm just that girl. I am not inately sexy enough to have suggestive photos taken and them NOT get into the wrong, embarrassing hands. That's just how it goes I guess.

So, enjoy my photos, internets! I have a great photographer!