Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Who needs the lottery?

Today everyone is super excited about a big lottery jackpot. I didn't buy a ticket. Mostly because I forgot. But to justify it, I'll share all the reasons it would be bad to win.

1. All my family members would be like, "buy me a house and give me lots of
cash!" And I'd be like, "no, get your own lottery ticket worth $500 million" and then they'd probably try to kill me in hopes that they were listed as beneficiaries.

2. My kids would no longer try hard in school, because they'd expect to be heirs to a fortune, and develop drug problems and become famous for being socialites like the Hiltons. And little do they know I've spent it all on vacations and luxury cars and designer bags, plus the 10 percent I gave to charity, and they'd have to get a job working on a dairy farm or something like that one reality show.

3. The only reason why I'm not fatter than I am is because wine and Brie are expensive. With unlimited funds and access to all the best restaurants, cheese, and wine money can buy, who knows what would happen to my waistline?!?!! Although, then I could afford that personal trainer....

4. I am married now, so I'd have to split the winnings with my husband. And then just like on Kate Plus Eight, he'd realize he could get some college-aged party girl to relive his youth with and leave me with his appealing boatloads of money and find a hotter, younger girl.

5. With no need for career-based financial gain, I'd quit my MBA program (which I'm avoiding working on to write this blog post) and I'd lose out on the unequaled personal satisfaction of having an advanced degree. And that's certainly no good.

Good luck to you with a ticket! Well, you probably already know you lost, so instead I'll say my condolences to you with a losing ticket. Re-read the above post and be thankful you didn't win. You're welcome.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Elitist and Fuzzy: Thanksgiving Wrap Up

Thanksgiving was awesome.

My husband cooked most of our meal, and I mostly got to hang out.

I spent the night before Thanksgiving having cocktails with my lovely lady friend Edie.

I spent Thanksgiving morning drinking wine before noon with my momma and my sister Erin.

We decided to do a model pose. We are clearly not professionals.

I spent the afternoon with my hubby and his family, and a good friend, eating tasty foods and playing Apples to Apples which had some crazy situations.  Like, offensive references to the Holocaust and JFK's assassination, and the time we totally changed the rules right before the end and chaos ensued.

My answer of "hair transplants" in response to Matt's wild improvisation of adding TWO green cards (Elitist and Fuzzy) won me the game, in my opinion.

I ended the night perusing facebook, at which time I scrolled through the pictures I am tagged in, and realized how my life is the bomb. I have super cool friends and family. I got married this year. I have two amazing kids. I have a job I love. Overall, life for me is amazing right now. All that is missing is that my kids aren't here today, but they are with their dad, enjoying time with family on his side and having a blast in beautiful South Carolina, so I'm pretty happy that they get that experience.

I'm on such an emotional high right now that I should not be trusted. I might make charitable decisions my husband may later regret. But today I love the world, my life, and Thanksgiving. 

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Be Thankful

My new hubby and I are hosting Thanksgiving this year. We spent the day buying amounts of food that make me ashamed of us, and then I spent the evening cruising the craft section at Meijer looking for inspiration.  I wanted to make a festive centerpiece, and decided to dress up some candles I got on clearance after last Christmas.

 For a total of about $7, I left the store with this: 

I cut the small burlap sheet into strips..... 

I hot glued the burlap around the candles, then topped it with some hot glued ribbon: 


 I put the pretty, dressed-up candles on my fancy cake stand, added the fall-ish mini pinecones and cinnamon sticks and acorns, and I've got a pretty Thanksgiving dinner centerpiece!

(P.S. This decorative burlap will need to be removed before it gets close to the flame... )

The cake stand was made for my wedding this past June, based on a Pinterest inspiration. We found the plates and custard cups at an Antique store in Saugatuck, Michigan,  on a Valentine's Day long weekend last year. Just added a little hard-core clear glue from the hardware store to the upside-down custard cup and stuck it to the plate. Voila, cake stand!  :)



Tuesday, November 13, 2012


When the prospect of traveling comes up, I always think two things:
and.... it better be possible to drive.

I'm scared of lots of stuff, but there's no fear I want to overcome more than my fear of flying. Not only does the anxiety I feel over the impending flight ruin my anticipation and enjoyment of a trip, but it negatively affects my travel companions too.

My friend Rachel was flying for the first time on our girl's trip to the beach a few years ago, and I had no idea it was her first flight until recently... because on our flights, it was ALL about me. I was like, "Rachel, hold my hand. Rachel, I'm so scared. Rachel, how can Dana sleep at a time like this, I'm terrified! Rachel, where's that flight attendant with my vodka?!" I never asked or cared about her experience, I was too overcome with fear.

It turns out, at least I'm in good company. One of my favorite bloggers talks about her fear of flying, and describes it like she and I have the same brain, but hers has an extra humor section mine lacks and more free use of profanity in written language. I highly recommend you read this post, if you like funny things:
Jesus doesn't frown on a lot of things but I'm pretty sure he hates airplanes.... 

I was recently watching my DVD episodes of Sex and the City, which is my favorite show ever, and it was the episode where Carrie and Samantha take a three-day train ride to California so Carrie doesn't have to fly. My thoughts exactly. Except she's a bit surprised by how limited the accommodations are... 
It might be a long trip and tight quarters, but I'd take it if it means I don't have to be in a plane and endure several straight hours of sheer panic. 
Apparently many celebrities also fear flying, and it's their JOB to do it (see here.) So I guess I should at least be glad that I don't HAVE to fly.

But someday, I want to go to a tropical island and see Paris, and long flights will be necessary. I'm going to need some serious counseling and a strong prescription for that. 

How about you? Afraid to fly? Any other phobias you'd like to overcome?

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Dear 15 year old me

Dear Lindsey,

Don't worry about this phase your are going through of listening to grunge music and wearing oversized flannel shirts. You aren't that depressed, you don't need to contemplate ways to disappear because you are alone at lunch. And flannels will look lame when you see pictures of yourself later in life, but each generation has its fashion regrets. Think of those pictures of your mom in big bell bottoms and her 70's shirts. Don't get me started on overalls with one latch undone, the flannels have nothing on that.

Not all relationships end in the kind of ways that inspire Alanis Morisette's You Oughta Know. Stop playing it so much.

Being popular in high school is unimportant. When you are out of high school, literally no one will ask or care how many friends you had or how cool you were.

Making friendship bracelets and coloring in your little brother's coloring books is totally acceptable behavior for your age. And so is watching Saved by the Bell. Embrace your childhood, because it's over too soon.

Keep planning for college and thinking about what you want to be, but make it more important in every day life than you are now.

Just because your friends are smoking and having sex doesn't mean it's required of you, too. You've got the rest of your life to make adult decisions and mistakes. Pace yourself.

And that sex thing-- yeah, it's dangerous and has costly consequences. Like getting pregnant at 16. Want to walk around junior year fat and getting stared at? Want to wear a maternity dress from JC Penny to prom that should be on a 35 year old lady? Want to spend your senior year making bottles and changing diapers instead of having fun with other kids your age? Didn't think so. Your boyfriend loves you, and HE WILL WAIT. And if he doesn't, there are plenty more boys where that one came from.

Listen to your mom when she tells you which friends are a bad idea, and which ones are a good idea. She knows more than you give her credit for.


**dedicated to my 15 year old daughter.

Monday, November 5, 2012

What I know.

What I know about how much I don't know. We're all just flying by the seat of our pants, hoping that what we read or heard about or decided is a good idea will work.

What I know about elections is that I'm voting on two main issues. And I know that whether or not my vote makes a difference, NOT voting certainly won't.

What I know about marriage is that seeing your spouse's point of view and respecting it even if it's different makes you partners instead of enemies.

What I know about wine is that it always makes dinner more delicious. And dessert.

What I know about blogging is that it helps you procrastinate when you should be studying for your MBA courses.

Happy election eve, folks! Try to know stuff when you go vote tomorrow.